Okay so I’m alone with myself. The boy is playing around and I am out typing away and honestly….grieving. It’s easier to do with Grant away. I give myself permission easier.
I’m not pregnant yet, and i hope my little post didn’t give anyone a start when I was talking about babies. I’m just trying to cling to hope.
And please know, I’m fine. I will be fine, and I am so. I have hope. I just sometimes have to let my feelings out. I hope someone finds it helpful. Someone lurking accross blogs finds this, is going through the same and gets something from it. That’s why I posted it.
Losing a child, whether you’ve had it or not is hard, and it’s a LONG process. The 4th of July, the month of July is fast approaching. We’d dubbed it the month of doom and gloom, because originally if we weren’t pregnant by Grant’s birthday we were going to seek some treatments. That all happened on an accelerated path due to other things happening. It’s also officially a year in August since we lost Gabriel. These anniversary’s are hard for us obviously. This fourth of July will be the first in two years I won’t be pregnant. It’s rough.
So I hope you’ll bear with me these next couple months, as I am officially in the midst of infertility treatments, dealing with hormones and dealing with grief. It’s not all going to be pretty, and I just hope you know I’m normal…it’s normal. And everything will be okay.
God says.
I hope
