What the crap. C’mon now.
SERIOUSLY.
I’m dying some weird death here. I was SO sick by the time the boy came home yesterday I went straight to bed. Then I got up at 10, ate dinner (thanks baby) and then tried to go to bed again. My head was pounding so bad, I thought bad things. It was AWFUL. Then I felt the puke coming. And puke I did.
Somehow I managed to get back to bed, and get back to sleep. However I woke up this morning not with a full on headache, but enough to make me not want to move. Ate some crackers this morning, and forced myself to eat lunch (STUPID) and I promptly yuked that right back up.
Now my child is boycotting a nap. He doesn’t get that Mommy needs to sleep.
I’m not sure what to make of this, so I’m going to just deal with it.
I was reading this morning about a infertile person getting preggos with IVF and who is now VERY pregnant. She was at the coffee shop getting something, and the lady in front struck up a conversation about her pregnancy. It kind of came to a halt when the women said she was due in September. Then she kind of ran off, even after the currently preggo lady said that she’d lost two before becoming pregnant again.
I wish it were easier. I wish that these two ladies could have struck up a conversation, a friendship, a bond. I wish that two people in seemingly similar albeit different situations could have found support. We infertile people with children are people too. We know the pain of waiting, know the pain of loss, we just happen to know the joy too. We aren’t any better, we aren’t any worse. I know when you’ve lost a baby, the thought of seeing another one makes you want to die. I KNOW. I also know holding my little niece, and seeing her little life has struck within me a resolve that I can still love little babies even if I may never hold one of my own again. I don’t think that’s going to happen….right now. But six months from now if I’m not pregnant, I may post entirely different things. And that’s the cruelty of this, the ultimate pain. While some know why, and go on to have babies…some know why and never do. Some know nothing. It’s a cancer in the life of a woman, and we have to start supporting each other…what else can we do?
Again, I KNOW. I’ve lost, I’m not condemning anyone…I just wish. I wish we could all have babies and never lose.
And now I’m off to commence puking now that the wee one is at least quietly boycotting in his bed.
