I love the Eldridges. Their books have provided me with a lot of information on my walk, and they both just write beautifully. They have a daily devotional that I subscribe to, and it’s one of the best I’ve seen thus far. God really uses it to talk to me about stuff.
Today it was timely as usual.
04/29/2008
“So much of the journey forward involves a letting go of all that once brought us life. We turn away from the familiar abiding places of the heart, the false selves we have lived out, the strengths we have used to make a place for ourselves and all our false loves, and we venture forth in our hearts to trace the steps of the One who said, “Follow me.” In a way, it means that we stop pretending: that life is better than it is, that we are happier than we are, that the false selves we present to the world are really us. We respond to the Haunting, the wooing, the longing for another life. Pilgrim begins his adventure toward redemption with a twofold turning: a turning away from attachment and a turning toward desire. He wanted life and so he stuck his fingers in his ears and ran like a madman (“a fool,” to use Paul’s term) in search of it. The freedom of heart needed to journey comes in the form of detachment. As Gerald May writes in Addiction and Grace,
Detachment is the word used in spiritual traditions to describe freedom of desire. Not freedom from desire, but freedom of desire . . . An authentic spiritual understanding of detachment devalues neither desire nor the objects of desire. Instead, it “aims at correcting one’s own anxious grasping in order to free oneself for committed relationship to God.” According to Meister Eckhart, detachment “enkindles the heart, awakens the spirit, stimulates our longings, and shows us where God is.”
With an awakened heart, we turn and face the road ahead, knowing that no one can take the trip for us, nor can anyone plan our way.
(The Sacred Romance , 149)
I have felt really guilty about this blog a lot of days. I know it’s been pouty, whiny, ugly. I know there are days when I read it and think - I’m a mess. I feel like maybe I shouldn’t post what I post, especially as more people are stumbling upon it for whatever reason. I feel exposed, and I don’t like it. Then God reminds me that it’s okay. That I am who I am, and I am His before I am anything else.
Soooo then when a pastor comments on my blog, I don’t feel so bad about writing about farts two days ago, or about how five years ago when I started this blog, I used swear words on here like it was going out of style….
But honestly I still do. :) *Sigh* I wish I had received Jesus as my savior when I was five, grew up in a Christian home, and instead of engaging in premarital sex, had saved myself for marriage. That’s not my story unfortunately.
But really, it’s more than that. It’s letting go of all the old things that I comforted myself with and looking towards God as the source of comfort. I’m doing that slowly, but surely. I gave up smoking, I’m working on eating right, and this weekend I’ll start weaning off the Diet Coke. (Which makes my blood run cold right now BTW)
I know God is systematically removing things from my life. Peeling off the layers. I know after the Diet Coke comes the TV. He’s taken away shopping, a car during the day, the friends I’d made, the church I loved. He’s a jealous God. He wants my full attention. 
Soooo when you come here and I’m pouting that’s why. I’m relearning how to be comforted. It’s hard. :) It’s not pleasant. It’s ALL going to be so worth it.
