So I found out today another family that I love is leaving our church.
I sat on the couch and just bawled tonight. I couldn’t figure it out. What was I supposed to do NOW. These women were my mentors. The few and the proud solid Christians who I looked up to, and modeled my life after. They were the ones who I knew without a doubt, have the faith, have the love, and just were always there. We’ve left the church, and come back. There are several families doing this right now, as God is moving families, and bringing new babies, and just doing a lot of shifting.
I’m just feeling very sentimental tonight. I don’t want anymore change. I don’t want to feel anymore loss. I just want to go back to everything okay and stable. Whenever that was. 
Em and Greta were over earlier, and I just couldn’t believe how little Greta was in comparison to Grant. Grant loved her, and her toys. Tried to give her her pacifier, and looked and cooed at her a lot. He’s going to be such a GREAT big brother. I cannot wait to make him one.
I just got hit by nostalgia tonight, as I was driving around. It was nights like tonight last year, where Grant and I would hang out at the house. He would crawl and pull himself around until bedtime, and I would hang out alone because the boy would be out delivering pizzas. If it were raining he would know it would be a good tip night. It was raining tonight, and I just went back to the summer. The baby Grant, the baby on the way, the house…..it’s hard to remember it. It was so hard, yet we had so much hope.
AGH. I’m just clamoring for comfort, and familiarity. I don’t know why. I just feel like everything is getting all picked up and shoved around again, and I’m throwing a fit.
Most days I’m okay with everything and I’m happy about walking out the plan God has for me. Today I just want to pout, and cry and be sad.
So I will.
I got a survey thing in the mail forever ago, asking if I wanted to take part in a survey about child development. It said for doing it I would get some free prizes. This isn’t all that uncommon for new parents. They called and said they would bring them over, and that they were going to show us the program they offer for kids. I was all about that, thinking since THE CHILD DEVELOPMENT CENTER was calling, I would be learning about a place I could take Grant. Turns out it was a peddler, trying to sell us hooked on phonics type stuff, encyclopedias, etc.
*Sigh*
I should so know better than that….BUT we didn’t buy all their crappy $3500 worth of books. The part that makes me most mad, was Grant was watching Cars, and she walked in and judged me IMMEDIATELY. She was telling us things like he needs to know how to read by the time he’s three, or he’ll get put in the remedial reading groups in school. That until he’s two he shouldn’t watch any TV at all. That reading his “little” board books wasn’t enough, that we needed to read him REAL literature. And when we told her no to her $3500 scam. She told us that some parents just turned off their cable to do it. My husband found the whole thing hilarious, and kept bringing up the INTERNET, and computers, and wikipedia. I just sat there in shock, while he just was so nice about it. Then she showed us the payment plan….NO WAY.
She was NOT a nice person. AT ALL. And I didn’t appreciate her being not nice to us. Grant didn’t either. He didn’t talk or interact with her AT ALL, and told her BYE BYE loudly when she left.
Then when the boy went to the bathroom he came out and said, “MAMA…DADDY STUHHH.” Which means his father went to the bathroom and locked him out.
He speaks in sentences. He’s brilliant. I don’t care if he can read Shakespeare by the time he’s three. I just want him to know he’s loved by his Mommy and Daddy….and his God.
And I will get over the rest of it. It’s just the end of something I really loved, and I really LOVED and appreciated that church. I held out hope that thing would go back to normal, and I could go back and just be as enthralled as I was when we stated going right before Grant was born. God has something new for us now. Something different, and something even better I bet. So I just need to have faith….and I guess let myself cry too.
Tomorrow they’ll be delivering the rest of the sectional. Today they delivered two right sides, instead of a right side and a left side. But we sold the leather couches for 3 times what we paid for it, so I’m not complaining about a mistake like that one. It’s SO SUPER NICE AND COMFY. It’s not too soft, but not to hard. You sit down and sink in. It’s FABULOUS. It’s wonderful to have comfy furniture that doesn’t stick to you again. It’s kind of giving me a heart attack with Grant. He tried to clean it with a wet wipe this afternoon. *Rolling my eyes*
Will and Amanda will be here tomorrow, so I’m way excited about that! We’re going out to dinner, and then hanging out here. Saturday night is CASTING CROWNS. I think God put that one in at just the right time. :) Sunday we’ll do church, and then hopefully nothing.
