This morning I went out to smoke (I KNOW - more on that later) and the world is COLD AND SNOWY.
Um hello? If there is snow on the ground on my birthday, I’m going to be MAD. No. My birthday means spring, warm, happy time. NO MORE SNOW.
I am so happy today. SO HAPPY. I just am in love with my life, my family, and just where I am at. It’s just such an exciting time for us. I LOVE IT.
Everyday the house is clean. I do dishes, laundry, clean what needs it. Living in an organized place and space is just so JOY FILLED. I feel such a sense of purpose, and love for it now. It’s hard to believe that I was fighting this for so long. Even when I don’t want to do it, I do it because I love my family, I love how accomplished it makes me feel. I can tell this isn’t going to change now, and I’m so happy I got this figured out finally. “Those faithful in little will be given much.” I’m counting on it, but even if I stay here forever, I love it. I trust God for increase, and until then I DO NOT CARE!
Yesterday I went to WalMart and grabbed a new DVD/VCR combo that records DVD. Then I spent the night recording all Grant’s movies off to DVD. OH MY LORD. I cannot believe what this did to me. I watched my little boy grow up before my eyes, and it made me SO FREAKING PROUD. I’m watching us love, play, and nurture him in the midst of everything going on and it was AMAZING TO ME. I remember how I felt, and how I hurt, and how hard everything was, but STILL Grant was not compromised. YAY US. We’ve raised him WELL. I’ve done a GOOD JOB. I can’t believe I can type that and actually believe it. I’m so proud of my husband and I. We’re transfered a huge love for each other to a little boy who shows it. I think it’s the most important thing I’ve done in my life. He’s beautiful and it was so fun to hear little baby Grant.
And I only cried a little bit.
The Des Moines conversations are still going. They are going WELL actually. And not in the way I think you think I mean. The boy and I are having frank, honest discussions about how we feel about things, and we’re still speaking to each other later. Sounds stupid, but we’re strong willed people, and life gets complicated for us very easily. I’m so excited. I know the next eight months will bring an important change for us, a change that God is setting up, watching, tending, and planting. I know it will be hard, but exhilarating, and I’m looking forward to it. I feel like we have more tools to do this, than we ever have before and our decision will be a SOLID one. I also know it’s God’s will, and he will mark our paths and make them straight. That makes me have a peace like nothing I have had before. It’s not about my way or Greg’s way and that’s amazing. We state our points, talk it out, and pray ferociously for God’s will no matter what. I trust God for this. I trust him no matter what happens. I MEAN THAT. Amazing. 
So in other news, baby making. I forewarn mentioning of girly things so BOYS BEWARE. November, December, January, February I HAD REGULAR CYCLES. They were on time 35-36 days apart. Now I know you’re supposed to go 28 days, but when you’ve rarely had two periods back to back your entire life this is an exciting development. HOWEVER…it’s been 46 days since my last period now. GGGGGRRRRRRRR. I’ve been reading test lines and analyzing them WAY too much. I learned to buy the digital pregnancy tests now, because there are no lines, they simply say PREGNANT, or NOT PREGNANT. However it’s a little more jarring to read the words. I don’t know what all this means, I know in my heart another baby is coming, which makes me less desperate but I’m ready to be pregnant DARN IT. We have an appointment April 2nd, so I’m hopeful they’ll put me on clomid or something. Then at least I’ll be monitored and see if things are okay. I’m worried that doing that is not trusting God, but at the same time I feel like I put it off once, and I know that if it’s not supposed to happen it won’t. I can tell you my attitude is much more positive, which is great. I know if I’m about to go the clomid route it’s going to require some resolve.
While I was making the bed this morning (YES I WAS) Grant went on a little adventure chasing kitties under the bed, like he has every other morning since I started making the bed every morning. I’m not
telling you how long that’s been. This morning he snuck out from under the bed, very quietly and James Bond-eque and narrowly missed beating me in the face with an object. I looked at him, laughing
hysterically as he was, and almost told him no, until I looked and saw that he had FOUND MY CELL PHONE.
*happy dance*
I lost it the 21st of February to be exact, and had been using the boys so I’m VERY GLAD TO KNOW WHERE IT IS. My kid is hilarious, I’m sure he probably hid it in the first place so it’s only fitting he would find it. Funnier thing is that yesterday I was sure I lost the boys phone and my Ipod. After looking EVERYWHERE and feeling desperate I prayed about it. I knew that I was getting worked up about it so I put it from my mind, went about my business and this morning ALL THREE SHOWED UP!
Okay - it’s about time to eat, nap, and await the boys arrival. This weekend is tonight Panera, and we’re going to watch the Passion. Saturday night church, Sunday morning church and have Grandma over for dinner.
I hope you have a fun Easter. I’m a little sad to not have family around, but Grandma will be here, and we’ll be here. :) And home. Both of those are HUGE pluses.
