Milieu of Me

Dearest little Grant,
As I am writing you, you are 20 months old.  YOU ARE SO BIG.  Your Daddy and still are lamenting that fact, daily.  The last time I wrote you, you were 17 almost 18 months.  Now as you approach two I feel the need to write you again.  You are still amazing little boy.  SO let me tell you about it….
Christmas time was crazy.  You’d started to get the hang of ripping the presents open, but that’s not what I remember about Christmas.  You my little love were SICK, and I remember it mostly by the fact that you stayed close to me and just laid most of the week we were home.  You had started the last of your ear infections that were impervious to antibiotics, and then you got bit by a dog.  That was the most awful experience of your father’s and I life.  You were bleeding, hysterical, and we had to hold you down while they cleaned you up.  I want you to know, that my love for you was only cemented by that.  I was terrified of what they might do to you, but happy to take you home that next week and let you heal.
January, we took you in and had tubes put in your ears.  Then the bliss really began.  You stayed ear infection free thus far, and your Dad and I were ecstatic.  We spent the month playing happily.
February we went to see Grandma and Grandpa Swan, and HAD THE BEST TIME EVER.  You even stayed with them by yourself, and just LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your Grandpa and Grandma.  You bonded with them instantly like you’d known them forever, and I can’t ever telling you what a blessing that is to all of us.  They love you, love you, love you. ☺
Then February 29th, your cousin Ashlynn arrived.  You do not like her.  Mostly because she steals all your baby thunder.  You don’t care that she looks like you, you don’t care how cute she is.  By the time we were leaving, you finally acquiesced this, and asked to hold her.  We all held our breath as you held her in your little arms, raised your little hand to her face, and said, “Ohhhhhhh…”  Seriously Grant I had been waiting for this moment.  The time when your little lovey side would come out and stomp your little toddler ego.  You still wanted Mommy to not hold her, and demanded me whenever I held her, but you’re allowed that.  You don’t even like Daddy around me, how could you stand that.
Daddy went on a trip to Austin this month, and Mommy and you stayed with Grandma for almost two whole weeks.  You threw lots of toddler attitude around mostly because you knew you could.  That’s the brilliance of you my child.  YOU ARE FREAKING SMART.
You can answer several questions.  What does a bird, duck, truck, train, owl, cow, doggie say are good ones… you know all the sounds, in no particular order. Another one is, “Is it time to go night-night?”  Which I am still astounded at this one.  You seem to know your limit on this one, and grab your cup, binky, and whatever trucks you can fit into your hands and go willingly.  You read Daddy or me a story and then after prayers usually go to sleep.  It amazes everyone.  Although I think you’re starting to figure this out, as now you usually whine while collecting your bedtime items, and sometimes continue through the stories and prayers.  This may become more interesting but for now I enjoy this.
You also like to be a little Mommy.  You hug, feed, and talk to your stuffed animals, but only when you find the time.  You usually don’t have it because there is so much hitting and punching to do.  Often we’ll find you in the store picking up something pink and cooing at it, then running to something and throwing it.  You’re complex.  We love it.
You’ve been sick, and Mommy and Daddy have been sick A LOT the last six months.  Mommy and Daddy’s immune system have gotten a work out from all the little viruses you pick up.  You even went to the ER again about a month ago, you were lying around and running a temp of 104.  Mommy had a heart attack on the spot, and I am just now recovering.  I only know this because Daddy is insistent on taking you to the doctor for your latest cold, and I KNOW it’s your teeth and your immune system is fighting it.
You put puzzles together like a CHAMP.  You can fit shape into its corresponding hole, and you count and say letters when you see them.  They are mostly 3’s and C’s but you’re getting the idea, and for you to do any of this at your age is AWESOME AND I DO NOT CARE.
You also are a boy.  You love mud, rocks, throwing, hitting, biting and CARS.  OH MY GOODNESS DO YOU LOVE CARS….they go everywhere with you.  The streets and parking lots are like gold and you stop everything to watch cars go by.   Those cars are only beat by trains, and when we rode an actual train in Disney World, you couldn’t even move.  The pictures are hilarious because they show a stunned little child.  I think your world imploded on itself.
Now to mud.  You discovered this at Grandma’s house, and are in LLOOVVEE.  I let you play in the puddles at her house (much to her chagrin…you had on a very cute little outfit and she kept telling me THAT WILL NEVER COME CLEAN…I enjoy you exploring more than clean clothes.)
People think I let you do too much.  I let you carry pens, sharp things, run around without holding my hand, get into everything.  It drives people crazy.  Truth is I don’t care.  I see the independence in you dying to come out, and I love it.  I want you to know the world, and I want you to see it your way.  I don’t ever let you get hurt.  Some things might get ruined…like my little laptop has pen all over it now….but you know what.  I think I will be glad I did it, when you graduate from Harvard, save the world, and convert everyone to Christianity.
You love TV, mostly Word World, Backyardigans, Veggie Tales and Little Einstein’s.  You thrive on our routine, and when we miss a step you tell us.  Last night neither Daddy nor I could muster the energy to put you in the bath, and you were MAD.  You kept running in there and coming back out and yelling at us.  We tried to explain but you didn’t care.  THE ROUTINE, THE ROUTINE!!!!!!  You were dying you were sure.
You still love me.  ENDLESSLY.  You are happiest running a car over my face, beating me up, or showing me EVERYTHING.  You constantly point and say, “See…”  You’ve figured out when I do that I will tell you what it is.  Sometimes you try to repeat what I’m telling you but mostly you just get excited.
Grant, you have a smile to die for.  I could swim in your little dimples, and toothy grin for days.  You are beautiful, and charm everyone.
Yesterday I took you to Target, and as a treat for being such a good boy you got cookies and your VERY! OWN! POP! (It didn’t have caffeine, but I didn’t tell you that)  as we were waiting in the pharmacy line, you proceeded to tell the lady in front of us HOW! MUCH! FUN! YOU! WERE! HAVING!  You had cookie up to your ears, and grinned and yelled at THE! TOP! OF! YOUR! LUNGS!  She smiled at me and said, “He’s such a pretty happy baby!”  She’s right.  Your attitude is completely contagious these days, and it’s a good thing.  Your smiles and laugh make the world a much better place.
You’ve started folding your hands and closing your eyes when we pray, and then you peek. ☺  I cannot tell you how much I love that, because Grant…I’m a peeker too.  Your Daddy CONSTANTLY makes fun of me.  But you love your prayers, and sometimes you say some with me.  It’s been fun to tell you things about God and Jesus, and I know you’re going to be awesome at God.  Just know it. ☺
We’re talking a lot about our life in Minnesota, and what the best thing is for you.  We’re talking about moving, and I just want you to know wherever we end up, we made that choice SOLEY for you.  We want everything for you, for your little brain to keep growing, and the smiles to keep shining.
I love every second of every day with you.  I don’t know how mommy’s’ take their kids elsewhere for the day, because when I leave you for a second I feel like I’ve missed everything.  You are brilliant in so many ways.  Right now you’re throwing wet ones at me, and I think that’s really funny.  Then you told me there’s a truck.  It never stops wee one, and I’m glad.  You make life a better place, richer, prettier, funnier, and OH SO worth it.
You are loved.  Of that never doubt.
Momma