. . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers . . . of love is Hell. (C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves)
This quote is one I got in my devotional emails this morning, and I LOVE IT. Like God always does, it spoke to me very much to where I am right now, especially in my relationships.
And speaking of….my poor little husband has been getting a lot of bad press on this blog. He pointed out that I only talk about him in bad terms, and since this is my venting platform that seems to be quite often. I apologize profusely, because I really married a good, kind man, who is a wonderful husband and father. I’m madly in love with him in fact. Trying to have some more of his babies, even.
It’s hard work to be married, especially if you and your husband are first born, stubborn, like to be in control people. It’s hard to comprimise when you have a big ego, and it’s hard to be forgiving. Let’s face it, if we had it our way, we’d always be right, always win the argument, and always be forgiving instead of forgiven. I appreciate and sincerely respect my husband, and I appreciate our ability as a couple to walk through crap and then talk about it and love each other anyway. That doesn’t mean we don’t have our moments where, as I so kindly put it, “I really just want to kick you in the face right now, but instead I’m making enchiladas.”
Last night, the boy came home, Grant FREAKED out (favorite part of my day hands down is when Daddy comes home) and then he sat on the floor at the train table with him, and watched him played trains. He didn’t think I was watching him, watch Grant, but I was. For a mommy, there is nothing sweeter than watching the man you love, love the baby you love. :) Then Grant flew up into his lap, and gave him snotty kisses. This was funny, because you have to balance your fear of snot with your desire for a kiss. :) Anyway - I digress - I just loved this time. I was cooking dinner, (Chicken a la gnocchi sandwich to be exact) and we were home and being a family.
I would also like to point out that in my post about the Indianola house I made my husband upset. I guess I made it sound like he values convenience over a home and family, etc. I assure all two of my readers that this is not the case. He wants this too, just doesn’t understand why one would sacrifice one for the other. I argue this is not a sacrifice, but this is an ongoing conversation better talked about when completed. This morning I was convincing him again, this time by financial means :) as in BUT THIS IS SUCH A GOOD DEAL. Then he talked about what we would have to update to move in. By no means a “LET’S DO IT!” but progress nonetheless.
I can smell the burgers at tailgating my friends….I’m telling you! 
But seriously. I love my husband. I won’t have been his wife/girlfriend for the past 10 years if I didn’t. He’s funny, weird, entertaining, loving, and a good provider for our family. I mean that more than just financially. He juggles a lot, and he does it well.
Yesterday I received in the mail, the flier for our women’s conference at church. I have been struggling about church as you all know. I got this flier, and looked at it, and just was disappointed. Last year, my friend and I got a hotel room, went to the conference, dinner and did pedicures and HUNG OUT. I also had a lot of things stripped away at that conference. IT WAS AMAZING. The speakers were phenomenal, and you just felt like God was THERE. That’s not how I’m feeling about my church lately, and we’ve actually been going to another church because of it. That and my husband can’t seem to connect with any of the guys, and I have a million reasons myself. Beginning with the fact that it’s cliquey and since I’ve been “out” for my 6 month sabbatical, I have NO idea what’s going on. I know that God’s teaching me a lot through this, like church is still life, and people are still people, and it can still be like high school if you don’t watch yourself. Also, it may look like people are doing what they are supposed to be, but you have to trust their hearts because EVERYONE sins, so don’t put them on a pedestal. No one has hurt me, or anything like that. These are truely wonderful people. I just had a certain idea how a church family should be acting and I’ve realized (just now) that I need to realign my expectations. We all put our pants on the same way. When I look back over the three churches I’ve gone too it’s kind of funny what God’s done…
Waukee UMC - Find God
NHLC - Find the Holy Spirit
Life - Find out about Church life…know God and the Holy Spirit
Now I’m finding God moving us away from Life, something I NEVER thought would happen, and onto the next move. He’s provided us a place to worship in the meantime, and I’m just so grateful for that. I am excited to see where we end up living, worshiping, and settling.
THIS IS THE LAST MOVE FOR AT LEAST FIVE YEARS. If we move far away, I feel like we need that kind of time to establish and learn if we like it, if we move home that’s what I am asking for. I need to not having moving over my head for a long time. I want to have that one GONE. FOREVER.
The wee one woke up at 6 this morning, didn’t want to be put down, and then promptly fell back asleep. He’s STILL asleep and it’s almost nine. I’m wondering if he’s sleeping off sick, or getting worse. I hope he’s getting better. I am SICK of SICK!
Today - NOTHING, tonight the boy will be home to go to Panera and then to church! :) Happy holy week!
