The hubby arrived home around 10 or 10:30 last night to find me and the wee one having a party…so to speak. The wee one slept from about 4:30-5 ish until about 8. I figured him being up would only mess up his schedule a little bit, and therefore I could just power through and anticipate a nice return to our regularly scheduled program about this morning.
So about 11:30 or so the boy and the wee one were played out. Wee one went down without a fight (since Daddy was home OF COURSE) and the boy and I had nice discussions about the forum he was at, and went to sleep. The boy woke me up at 3:30 to a screaming child saying, “He’s wide awake - I don’t know what to do.” I told him just to bring him into bed with us and he’d fall back asleep.
Well he did, eventually. Not after cuddling in with me, singing a million songs, talking incessantly, and pounding on me, kicking his poor tired Daddy, and rolling around trying to get comfy. He finally passed out, and had it not been the wee hours of the morning I totally would have taken a picture.
There are moments that he is so profoundly his fathers child it’s startling, since this kid was created by God using ENTIRELY my DNA. He spooned on his right side, his head on Daddy’s pillow, and laid there EXACTLY like the boy. They were two, sleepy, little peas in a pod.
The boy and I touched feet and stifled laughing the whole time he was awake, because even sleep deprived, we are so madly in love with this child it’s beyond us. His singing never ceases to melt our hearts, and his little I’m NOT TIRED GUYS show was almost more than we could handle.
The whole thing just warmed my heart, especially after my ranting about wanting him to sleep with me. It’s like God knew exactly what I needed and he gave it to me. After being annoyed that I didn’t have enough room to get comfy, the wee one scooched over to Daddy, gave mommy her prized Sleeping Space, and crashed oh so divinely cute.
I woke up this morning at 9:30 to kisses, and a cute little face going, “Mom, MOM, Momma!” in his little sing songey voice.
Heaven I tell ya, PURE heaven.
By the time the boy got home yesterday I was so happy to see him. The frusteration and anxiety of the day faded and I was just so happy to have him in my house. Honestly I missed my husband yesterday. TERRIBLY. I felt out of sorts, lonely, and I wanted him. He came and it was like the world faded, and life was okay.
Today everytime the wee one comes for love, I squeeze him and just relish it. I love the feeling of his little body against mine, the sound of his little voice, and I’m just enjoying him. I’m learning to just endlessly LOVE my family no matter what. I LOVE MY BOYS. I LOVE THEM.
I’m sorry I’m messy but I am. I’m sorry I let my little boy watch TV, that I can’t seem to get it all together, and that I am going through something right now I don’t quite understand. Today my head is pounding, and just now I started getting the shakes again. I don’t know if I am sick, undernourished, tired, all three or what but I feel weird and I don’t like it. It makes me crazy, and I’m sorry. I wish I could be one of those bloggers who writes on here for any reason other than cathartic ones but I’m not.
I guess the point of the post is just that I’m okay. I’m not going insane, I’m not bad I’m just me. I’m living the good life, and I don’t have any doubts about that. I love my boys. LOVE THEM.
