Exciting news at the Swan house. The wee one gets laid down for his naps now.
I go in. I read him four books. I give him his bottle and his binky (his blanket) and lay him down. I say that I love him, and then I walk out of the room. AND IT WORKS. Sometimes he fusses but most of the time it’s not for long and then he’s out.
It’s like heaven. The boy and I are still adjusting, and kind of sit on the couch uncomfortably like it’s our first date. Grant is also moments away from being 100% on whole milk. Next to go are the bottles. I’m trying to get him not to take them during the day, but he’s not having it. He goes into his room and cries for the one in his crib, or finds the ones that he threw out the night before.
He’s smart.
Life around here is evening out. Lily and I are adjusting to one another nicely. I’m grateful to her for her need for a schedule has made me and Grant have a schedule. I think I’m going to do a schedule with the next baby. It’s SO nice. I’m finding a peace about this whole thing, and feel very comfortable. Now when Julen comes back we’ll start over again but, oh well. Julen is my one year old that comes in the afternoon’s part time during the week. He comes back next Thursday. Anyway I’m getting into the hang of things. The wee one has his good days and his bad. Some days he just wants to be on me all day long, and so I’m constantly holding two kids. It’s tiring but the money is really nice and it takes the heat off the boy too.
It’s been really interesting to interact with Lily’s mom. Her and I have a very professional type relationship, but her Dad and I joke around and act silly and stuff. I think I would be the same way. I can’t imagine having to drop my little baby off at some strange ladies house and then trust her. I would have been FREAKING out. I don’t think I could have taken it. There are things as a mom you just want done your way, and Lily’s mom does really well in giving instructions and being sweet about everything. But like today Lily came and she’s had her shots yesterday. So today she’s running a fever of 101, I called the mom just to let her know, and she was FREAKED out. I would have run out of work and came and snatched my kid, and that’s totally what she wanted to do. But she didn’t and I find myself judging her. WHICH IS SO BAD. WHY DO I DO THAT?
Anyway – there is a delicate balance. On one hand she’s deemed me worthy of caring for her child, but on the other she HATES me because I spend all day with her. It’s very interesting.
We’re on the trying for the baby bandwagon again. We decided that we weren’t going to wait very long because, well why? J And you know I don’t wait for much really anyway.
We made arrangements for our lost baby last week, and we have a very small little heart shaped urn that we should be receiving anytime now. When I die it will be buried with me, because the cost of trying to bury/niche it is $2K and up. There’s an awesome story about how my mom offered to pay for it and then backed out that will never be told because I refuse to let my JOY BE STOLEN. And honestly I should have known better.
Anyway – we named the baby Gabriel Selah Swan. We felt like God was telling us it was going to be a boy, and Gabriel is the name that I have wanted for our little boys since the second day Greg and I were going out. J The boy always said that Gabe sounded gay, and I always argued it was the Christmas angel, and I can’t wait to see him explain that to Jesus when he sees him…anyway – I got pregnant and not long after the boy came to me and said that God had changed his heart about the whole thing and that we should name our baby Gabriel if it was a boy.
Soooooo, when we lost this baby and then were confronted with having to bury it, and then felt like we couldn’t do that unless we named it…. Gabriel seemed fitting since the baby is an angel now anyway. Selah is a biblical thing that means musical interlude, a time of important contemplation. It’s very symbolic of this time in our lives, with hearing from God, and then music being just an important thing to us anyway. All in all I will be happy to receive the urn and have this all behind us. It’s been hard, and there are times like when my sister finds stuff out that I’m struggling but it’s a part of the process.
Tonight I’m watching my friend’s daughter and we’re taking her and the wee one to Chuck E Cheese. I’m so excited…it’s going to be FUN. And then we are rearranging and painting the whole house this weekend in anticipation of the baby shower I’m throwing on the 16th.
WAHOO.
