Milieu of Me

So Monday I started daycare for a three month old, and it’s making me painfully nostalgic for a little feebus who wasn’t such a go getter.

All his baby stuff is out, and he’s playing with all of it like giant pieces of playground equipment….in between throwing stuff at the baby, kicking her in the head, and then running over to kiss her. *sigh*  He is his fathers child after all.

I miss the days of just me and Grant, making him giggle, hanging out with him, and just watching his every move.  I don’t care quite as much when Lily coos, or giggles.  It’s very profound to me, because I think I only like my own babies now.

CRAP.  I have to do daycare….like I have no choice.  So it’s kind of painful.  I of course think Lily is super cute, but I still have to figure her out and she cried a lot today.

And in all honesty I think it just makes me sad that I’m not pregnant.  I’m trying really hard this week but I’m having a hard time with it all.  We have to go to the funeral home on Thursday, and I just don’t want to do this part.  The poor boy called today and got everything all lined up, and it’s just going to be painful and expensive.

Grrrr.  Life is so messy.  I just loathe the mess.  I love the life though.

Grant said please this weekend.  Grandpa thinks he made him say it (and I let him because I birthed Grant out of my body so I win) but I’d been working on it for weeks, everytime I give him anything I make him say please and thank you.

And if one more person says Grant’s a late walker I’m going to scream.  So he didn’t walk at 9 months, who gives a crap.  He’ll walk when he wants to, and honestly I CAN WAIT.  If he’s this much trouble now, just wait until he can RUN AWAY. :)  I can’t wait. :)  But he’s normal, and he’s beautiful and if he never walked I wouldn’t care.  He’d still talk a complete sentance of baby mumbo, look at me, grin from ear to ear and laugh hysterically like he said the funniest thing ever.  And that makes anything worth everything. :) 

Blogged with Flock