Little man,
Well first I want to say that I am just beyond words at the fact that you are now a year old. Someone said that having a baby is letting your heart live outside your body, and it’s true in every sense of the word. Your life, and your spirit have brought such joy to everyone around you since the moment you entered the world. That has not, nor will ever change.
Now I know I said I would write every month, but if a year flies by imagine what a month goes like, so I didn’t get it done. However you were clothed, fed, and tended to, and most days that’s about all I got done. You are a busy one my love, and have been since the moment you were born.
This year takes my breath away. This time of year will always make me nostalgic for big fat pregnant me. This time last year I was so large, and so uncomfortable that I had finally broken down and started calling in to work. You would kick at my desk, kick at the fire alarms that always seemed to be going off, and basically were a mover and a shaker. Your very presence in my body was exhausting let alone getting up and going to work each day. The expectancy in our house was bigger than us. We were dying to meet you, dying to hold you, and just so happy. We still talk about that time of our lives as one the happiest, and one of the most fulfilling. We spent weekends at garage sales trying to find the last odds and ends we needed. We spent nights curled on the couch watching my tummy grow. Daddy spent most nights alone because by 8 Mommy was done and sleeping.
Then on the 8th of July…as if you knew that you had reached your due date….you started your entrance. I will never forget the look on your Daddy’s face. The way we held hands in the car and clung to each other in excitement and fear. When they admitted us to the hospital your Daddy peed himself I swear, as he went home to collect himself. People still give him a bad time about leaving me there, but I was fine with it. I knew what he needed, and I wanted some time alone with you too. I laid in the room, listening to your little heart beat, praying that you were okay, and just rubbing my tummy…knowing soon you wouldn’t be in there anymore but out with me.
It was magical this time. It was heaven and earth intersecting for a moment. I have this book I read to you that talks about when God sends babies to earth and I imagine those moments when God was so near to us as those pictures say.
The labor was intense but over all fine, and you were here before I knew it. And you were MAD. You wouldn’t calm down, and you were just going to let me have it. You STILL do this, especially if you’re tired. Finally you snuggled in, and Daddy and I were in awe. These moments when we met you were so COOL. It’s so exciting to grow a baby and then meet it.
Then we brought you home, and bumbled around with you. Thankfully everyday someone from church came over, at least to remind me how cute and wonderful you were. Things were different, and new, and scary to all of us but we survived beautifully. Even when you got sick and spent a little time in the hospital, we just used those times to remind us of what a gift you are, and trucked right on through.
As you grew we admired every smile, every giggle. We watched in amazement as you found your hands, learned how to use your legs, and just celebrated (okay, and probably bragged) over every achievement.
You started crawling when you were 11 months, and that made our heads spin. You can sprint across the living room like an Olympian. Once you were crawling you were pulling yourself up on everything! You’re busy, and it’s tiring, but you’re a fearless adventurer, and I love it about you. I know that’s who God made you to be. You’re also aggressive. You just go for things, and you hit…HARD. We’re trying to teach you not to do that, and it often results in you throwing a fit, but it’s really not socially acceptable, I’M TELLING YOU.
My favorite part of you is your sweetness. Yesterday we walked to water Auntie Kari’s plants for her while she’s on vacation, and you were playing your little music and bouncing around. You looked back at me and grinned, and hummed along so sweetly and quietly that you almost made me cry. Music is a very special thing you and I share, between the songs we sing during the day, and the songs we sing at night. You hear music and you stop and look at me, like OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES MOMMY MAKE MUSIC? Then you thump at me until I sing, and you smile and cuddle in and listen. If you only knew how much my soul just comes alive when you do those things…it’s amazing the joy it brings these simple things. Often we’ll be playing and you’ll just stop and grab my face and kiss me. You wrap your other arm around my neck and cling and there is something so precious about it.
I knew that having you would be one of the most important things that I’d ever done. I just don’t think I knew how profound each moment would be. I don’t think your Daddy and I realized the enormity of you and who you are wouldn’t ever wear off. I think as we think about adding another baby to our family, that we are understanding finally that you won’t change, and you will bless our new family member with your wonderful spirit too.
Thank God for you Grant. Every single little moment I’m thanking God for the miracle of you. You are beautiful in every sense of the word, and your life is such a gift to everyone you touch. I know that you are going to grow into a beautiful man of God, and make such a difference in this world. You’ve already shook our existence to it’s very core. You’ve reminded your Daddy and I why life is so beautiful, and so desirable. No matter what you think, no matter what you believe, no matter who you become, I understand that these precious moments of your first year will be the ones that I miss the most. Your innocence, your awkwardness, your growth has been amazing. It’s changed who I am, and who I will be. It’s made me a better person.
I’m so proud to be your mommy. I love you little peanut. I love every inch of you, and every thing about you.
Happy Birthday!
Mommy
