Milieu of Me

So things have been going pretty well around here as of late. The meds are starting to kick in, and I’m getting sleep at night. Last night I even slept in the dark, by myself! I saw a psychiatrist at the U, and not only is he hot, he’s nice. Did I mention he’s hot? He’s REALLY hot. Like, “YES I’M CRAZY.” hot if you know what i mean.

After I told him everything, he went and got the attending doc to check me out. She was AWESOME. She said to remember that I just had a baby and it’s very likely all this crazy stuff is a result of that post partum depression stuff. She also told me to remember that these thoughts and everything happening to me is not me. It’s my brain, and it’s not working effectively. It’s a disease like any other, and needs treatment. I don’t know why I never thought of that but I hadn’t. She’s a rockstar.

Then we talked long term. They think for now meds is best, they’ll continually evaluate me and hopefully someday I can go off the meds. They aren’t saying either way, but they are going to help me work out doses and brands when I get pregnant again, so that I can stay medicated. Then they’ll come see me at the hospital to make sure that after I have the baby I have the meds I need too.

So I’m ready to have another baby. Just kidding. I had a dream about being pregnant last night. And let me tell you the “I’m pregnant.” dreams are REALLY realistic when you’ve already had a baby. Anyway the boy and I were happy in the dream, but a little freaked out. I realized that Grant needs to be a lot older before I start thinking newborn again. And besides, I just really want to breastfeed…that’s all it is. And Grant’s REALLY cute so now I’m greedy.
And speaking of Grant - he’s awesome. He’s perfect, happy, playing, looking around taking everything in. He talks at whomever is talking to me when I hold him, and it’s SO cute. He was doing it to the doctor today, and he was cracking up. He has four teeth coming in (God help me) and is the 75% percentile on all his weights. His doctor LOVES him, says it’s rare for a baby to be so well proportioned, and again complimented me on how alert and happy he is. Then we got our shots. Not so fun. He was already crying because he wanted to take his nap, and we couldn’t leave. Then he got his shots and he did the hysterical hiccup crying. It broke everyone’s heart….especially mine. I HATE IT WHEN HE GETS SHOTS. The doc said he’ll be able to switch off his medicine and to regular formula after his six month appointment, and then told me I could start feeding him cereal.

I told the boy this and he goes….”WHAT? No….No….not yet? REALLY?” My sentiments exactly. I don’t want to feed my baby cereal. He CANNOT be old enough yet. But he is getting teeth, and when Greg and I eat, he “chews” and watches us. SO I think tomorrow after bible study I’m going to go get bowls and spoons and stuff and move the high chair out into the living room. And yes I will cry, just like I did when I bought size three diapers.

Today the little bugger also developed object permeance. I had a bottle and put it in the diaper bag, and he went for the bottle. Before he just would have thought it was gone. So sad.

On the other hand it’s really cool to watch him develop and grow. He’s so handsome and smart and cute and cuddly.

I LUUUUVE my baby.