I’m finding it harder and harder to be a Minnesotan each day that Grant gets older.
It’s been a point of contention in my life since I got pregnant. Mostly because my parents pester me/us about when we’re going to move, and it’s just something people keep asking about. My husband has his dream job, and it makes it a point of contention in my marriage as well. I don’t want him to give up his dreams, or this job he loves. It just doesn’t make it any easier to be here, especially when there is continually nothing here for me besides him. It’s a lot of pressure to put on a relationship too, when he’s the only thing I have. I watched this in my parents marriage too, and swore I wouldn’t ever turn out that way.
I miss home. I miss my friends, I miss the familiar landscape. I miss HyVee, I miss my Mom, Dad, Kara, AJ, Megan. I miss the boys Mom and all the time we spent with her. I miss having that framework where we could throw a huge keg in our gravel pit next to our house and tons of people would show up. I miss throwing parties, and having people over for dinner. I miss lunches with my girlfriends. I miss real conversations with friends until six in the morning, about the meaning of life, and where we’ve been and where we are going.
Now I’m missing everyone seeing Grant, and watching him grow. I’ve never been quite so lonely, or feel so isolated as I have the last year of living here. Not that it won’t go away, or that I won’t make friends. I’m already starting to at our new church. It’s just not the same, and I’m realizing as our families come up and then leave that it won’t ever be the same.
It won’t ever be okay for me not to be able to drive over to my Mom and Dad’s, or to drop Grant off at my Mom’s for the day, or the boys moms.
And since Grant has been sick, I’m missing doctors I know and a hospital I trust. He’s not getting any better, he’s less fussy but he’s still having the reflux stuff, I can hear it and see him arching and being uncomfortable. I miss being able to call my Mom and have her come over and give me a break. Especially when the boy has a concert to go to, or maybe I just don’t want to hang out with him all the time.
Okay enough complaining, but that’s what I’m thinking about today anyway. Home, home, home, home, home.
