So I’m thinking about going back to counseling again. I am noticing a lot of things in my life that aren’t going the way that I want them to be and thinking that I should change them, but they never seem to change.
This makes me frustrated and really angry, and at this point I’m having a really hard time noticing if it’s just my pregnancy hormones or what’s going on. And ultimatley it makes me resentful
This is because when you’re pregnant every time you show emotion everyone goes, “Oh my goodness your are hormonal because you are pregnant!” and completely disregards everything you just said as the rantings of a lunatic.
We’ve been moved away from home for two years now. I still don’t have a support network. While I can blame that on a bad church, or lack of stability in my life (as in not being able to really settle anywhere) it still doesn’t solve the problem, or put me in a position to change anything.
I’m noticing a lot now that I’m pregnant the real lack of support I have, as even our families seems to be saving up vacation time and travel time for when the baby gets here. I don’t have any help and I’m getting really nervous about what I’m setting myself up for when I have an infant and no sleep and no one who cares about me and not just the baby.
Instead of just whining about how I don’t and watching everyone ignore me, or tell me if I lived at home this wouldn’t be happening to me I’m just going to shut up and do something about it and I think this is a great first step. It really helped me sort out and deal with everything when Ashton died and I was going through all the stuff with Amber and work and money then and I think I’m getting to a place where I might need that again.
So there.
